Single Motherhood Ch. 2 - Finding the Positives

Finding the positives....hmmmm. Right, that's what we all strive for. Life becomes too negative if you don't. After reading my last blog post, I realized how defeated I sounded. It was a very honest feeling. Yet,  today I wake up like nothing has happened. And then it hits me. Resiliency is my positive. Sure all people are capable of almost anything in the worst of situations. But I'm not in the worst of situations. I have two totally awesome kids, who fill me with joy every day and I am lucky enough to be a part of their lives. Sometimes I look at parenting as a redo. Now DO NOT mistake this for re-living something in my children. I mean, I get to do things, activities with my children that I didn't get the opportunity to do with my parents and brothers. Such as, dancing, hula hooping, chasing my parents through the house just because it's fun, singing, did I mention dancing? This all comes down to setting up an emotional environment where my kids can be themselves. And growing up, I don't remember knowing that it was ok to just be me. I thought I needed to be something else. Subsequently, I have spent a lot of time in my life trying to figure out who I was supposed to be and who I was trying to please. Then one person comes into my life and helps me figure out that the only person I need to be is me. Resilient, that's a positive to who I am.

Single Motherhood Ch. 1 - Kids in School

Back to school night. A day any parent either loves, hates or for you super fabulous parents, both. I actually look forward to Back to school night. See I have issues turning over my precious cargo to a complete stranger. I find the whole process of being required to take my child to school and have absolutely little say in who teaches her, who cares for her and whether our goals for MY child are similar, wrong. I don't know this person. Are they mean, nice, fun, burnt out, love to teach or see it as a job. I have no clue and no way of finding out. I'm expected as a parent to just turn her over. It bothers me a lot. See I get the inside scoop because I coordinate the after school program at Briseida's school. So I can find out what this person is all about and I'm still uncomfortable. Yes, I've read the article circulating on Facebook saying parents are ruining education. My only comment is this. Teachers (in this article) compare themselves and their profession to doctors and lawyers. Well I can both choose my doctor and fire my doctor. I am in the room when my daughters doctor examines her. I get to have a discussion about what's best for her based on our family values. Lawyers, the same. Each profession is bound by ethical obligations of best practice. I can't fire my child's teacher, in fact I don't even get to meet her before the first day of school. Soooooo back to school night.............
I am a single parent. I don't have family surrounding me to help. I don't have the husband waiting outside the room watching the kids.  I have little extra money if any at the end of every month. In fact, it is often a struggle to feed my 2 wonderful children. We have to ration. So when the expectation at Back to School night is that I don't bring my child into the classroom to meet her teacher for the first time, I'm shocked. Where exactly are my children supposed to be at 6pm on a school night? I work until 6pm sometimes 7pm. Is the expectation that my children play on an unsupervised playground instead of being able to sit with me in the classroom?
I try soooo hard to be involved in my child's education. We read, go over math problems, check the homework, do flashcards, write stories. Why can't I just meet my child's teacher without it costing me a full babysitter fee after not having seen my children for 9 hours. 

I'm frustrated. I feel discouraged seeing my daughter cry because her mom can't go into the classroom and leave her an encouraging note like the other parents did. I feel like a failure because I am only one person.

Women and a stimulus plan

All this talk at the capital has made me think a little bit harder about our economy, the poverty rates, and who could be effected the most by any sort of stimulus funding. Report upon report talks about the number of people out of work, can't get work and the longer they are out of work, the less chance they have of getting back into the workforce at the same level they left. So this got me thinking, and it reminds me of women who have been out of the workforce for years due to child rearing. So what if a major part of any stimulus funding bill included subsidized child care. There is a government system in place to regulate child care facilities, regulations, licenses, etc. I believe that having an affordable, loving place for children to go during the day when parents are at work helps boost our economic output. For example, employees, men or women, miss more work and become less productive when they don't have trusted, adequate child care for their children. As a working parent, I can whole-heartedly agree with this. So imagine having our tax dollars go toward subsidizing the child care cost incurred every month. I pay anywhere between $600 - $1200 a month in child care depending on the time of year. When Briseida is out of school, the financial hardship becomes unbearable at times. Having only one parent and one income in our little family, my existence sometimes revolves around making ends meet. I would fully support funding quality educational child care by my government over fixing bridges and roads. And the feminist side of me roots for my plan even more because if we, as a society, want to lift up the bottom, and simultaneously reduce our cost, let's put people to work who need the most help and use the most government services....women and children. The World Bank just released an article stating that investments in programs that support putting more women to work, have an equal to greater impact on the global economy than just focusing on men.  And because women are generally the person in the family who does the shopping, having more money to spend on food, clothing, shelter, and other essentials, provides that needed economic boost our world and country desperately need.

Leaving home

At the fun and wild age of 17, I couldn't wait to do anything but leave home. I can remember counting down the days of high school left and having as much fun as possible that summer. Reminiscing just now, I remember being so ready to launch out of my family and create my own life. I felt so stifled and restricted. 

Tonight, as I was laying with Briseida as she fell asleep, she asked me how many more years of school she had. Inquisitively I asked "Why?".  She proceeded to tell me that she liked school, but how much longer until she got to college. So I counted the years on my fingers, a practice I'm pretty sure Mr. Johnston and Mr. McVay, my 2nd grade teachers would not approve of, and I came up with 12 years. Briseida started crying. Now, my precious little girl is a bit dramatic, so her crying doesn't always work on me. So a few minutes of crying and hugging go by. In one last final attempt to figure out what's going on, I wipe her tears, look her in the eyes and rub her nose with mine. "I don't want to ever leave you and you said when I go to college, I'm going to leave to go to school!" Briseida sobs. My heart has never felt so full. :)

Mornings with Kizzy

Kind of like Tuesdays with Morrie, I'm spending mornings with Kizzy, my beloved best friend and dog. Pre-kids and real grown-up responsibilities, Kizzy was my only responsibility. I had a difficult time being responsible for myself. I was out all night partying, doing things that I would never even consider 2 hours and 5 drinks before, staying up all night as an excuse to not work the next day. But out of all this irresponsibility, came my ultimate (at the time) cause, to make sure my dog was ok. I would always come home because of her, or take her with me so she wouldn't be lonely. She slept with me, on my bed or on the floor, depending on the night. She never left my side and I rarely left hers. 
 And as my family grew, she slowly, as most animals in houses with kids do, got pushed to the side. I imagine the scene from Lady and the Tramp, when Lady realizes she is no longer the "child" in the family. What a hard realization this must be! For sure, Kizzy felt like this. 
So this morning, as I'm walking with Kizzy to get some fresh air, to get her out of the house, to go for a run, exercise my aging body, I realize that my running buddy, can no longer run with me. How did this happen?! I heard myself screaming. How did the love of my life, best friend to the end, get this old?! Dogs aren't supposed to age this fast! They are supposed to always be there!
Now, you might be thinking "Oh no, this is her first dog. She's going to be devastated when she dies." Nope, I've never not had a dog! Other than my living in the dorms-days of college, I have always had a dog, had this beautiful relationship with the canine world.  It's the thought of not having a dog that worries me more. Thoughts of running by myself, of not having something clean up the scraps off the floor from the kids, of not having a confidant who never talks back, but just listens. What IS living, if you don't have a dog?
At this moment of divine intervention, I took a brief minute to put this all into perspective. I could run without her, which would probably mean I wouldn't get very far, or I could agree to her new terms and enjoy her walk and be grateful for the time. 
So from now on, and for as many days as my schedule, kids and time will allow, I get to walk with my dog. It's not something I have to do, it's something I want to do. 
Kizzy will turn 13 on Oct. 14. In dog years, she'll be 91. :)

 

Lily of the Valley

Lily of the Valley...it's the flower designated for the month of May. I have known this for years, but never bothered to see what that really meant or more importantly, if it matters. Lily of the Valley means Return of happiness, purity of heart, sweetness, tears of the Virgin Mary, you've made my life complete, humility, happiness, love's good fortune. The legend of the lily of the valley is that it sprang from Eve's tears when she was kicked out of the Garden of Eden. This magnificent flower protects gardens from evil spirits.  Really?!?! Love's good fortune???? That's not how I would define my life. Maybe Mr. Right just doesn't know I'm love's good fortune yet. 

In trying to find a name for this new adventurous blog writing idea, I thought of the things I like, things that I identify with.....France, the Tour d'Eiffel, Fleur de Lis, the ocean, my children.  All seemed too generic. How about where I am in my life, in transition. Nope, seemed dramatic. How can I describe my need to return to who I once was, to embrace who I am now and to fulfill what I've always wanted, happiness. So it only fits that Lily of the Valley, the flower for my birth month, also means a return to happiness.